its gonna be a little bit long

this post, its gonna be a little bit longer than usual. coz i have so much things to say in here.

1st : AYAHHHHH..!!!
selamat ulangtahun kelahiran yang ke-57..!
semoga Allah permudahkan segalanya untuk ayah. semoga ayah sentiasa dikurniakan kesihatan yang elok. semoga ayah dipanjangkan umur, semoga pintu rezeki ayah diperluaskan oleh Allah. semoga segala yang baik2 untuk ayah..
SAYANG AYAH SANGAT SANGAT SANGAT..!!
*called my daddy this morning. & wished him. wish to be with my dad & celebrate the day*

2nd : BUNCHETTTT..!!!
happy 28-months sayanggg.. sorry. forgot everything last nite. even my dad's birthday. i was so damn devoted with all the books & notes. im sorry.
28-months for me.. its a long journey for us. get through over lots & lots of difficulties, fights, jealousy. its kinda a hard journey for us. even I sometimes, decided to end up everything. yeahhh.. that's my weakness.. i know u hate it. i know it. hee~ but still, when we were in a hard situation, i eventually said the word. im sorry. those things, like i told u before. it just the steps to mature our relationship. & thanx for keep on staying with me. thanx for being such a patient man for me. thanx. & sorry too, for every little & single wrong things that i'd done to u. mi vida eres tu. i love youuuuu.. moga rahmat Allah sentiasa ada dalam hubungan kiter. aminnn

3rd : TESTSSSSSSSSSSSSS..!!
today, i had 2 tests. to be emphasized, TWO KILLER TESTS..!! i do not know what my result would be. but i hope it is ok. more than half is ok for me. im no good in reading & memorizing. im into numbers actually. but i do not know how on earth im stuck with arts & language. huu~ but its ok. something to be learned too. wish me luck. pray for me. second semester, doesn't seems nice to me. huu~ my fault maybe. gotta do something about it... gotta manage my time wisely. uhukkk.. two more tests on this upcoming Sunday. reading & memorizing again. hopefully, i can do it.

sedihhh

sedihh.. seriously. im fucking sad rite now. da 3 ari asik menangis. kadang2 depan org ramai pulak. biler teringt, terpk je. trus bergenang air mata. hurmm..

sampai kat kepala otak ni asik terpk, sape aku sebenarnye? sape aku untuk orang2 kat sekeliling aku? ape aku ni mmg tade dalam kepala otak dorang ke ape? aku sorang je pk pasal dorang? bnyk lagi aku pk. sampai satu tahap. aku rasa aku ni SAMPAH untuk dorang.

hurmm.. pathetic me. mintak org buat itu ini untuk aku. dorang tak buat pon. klo dorang suruh aku buat itu ini. aku ikutkan je. bukan nak mengungkit. tapi kenyataan.

sadis kot. ni pon. air mata dok jatuh je ni. hurmm

life goes on

you gotta take the good with the bad

smile with the sad

love what you got & remember what you had

learn to forgive, but never to forget

learn from your mistakes, but never regret

people change, things go wrong

just remember

life.... goes on.

been faking, but ..

i've been hardly faking my smiles & my laughs. guess what, i failed. they know that i am not in the good situation. i guess, i need to change my act, my faking style.

sometimes, no matter how hard u are trying to fake ur smile & laughs whenever u r hurt, sometimes, its not going to happen like what u want. sometimes, people just know it. & u embarrass urself by doing something stupid.

& sometimes, it becomes more terrible than before.

"mi vida eres tú"

am i ready?

do you think that this girl is ready to go/move to another phase of her life?
do you believe that she is going to move to another phase of her life?
can you believe it?

do you believe that she is matured enough for the another phase?

psst.. im not sure. but with Allah wills, i know i can. insyaAllah.

im trying...

im trying to be a good muslimah. i mean a better one. better than today. better than ever.

deep inside my heart, i know & i realize, that im not a good Muslimah. thus, i have & must to change myself. but then. i always failed with my lust. it's been in my mind for a long time. & always, the desire to change was always lost to the lust.

first, i started with hijab. alhamdulillah. hijab will always covering my head. but i know, covering just my head & hair is not enough. as wearing a hijab is to cover the chest too. i failed with that. yet, im trying my best. slowly changing my lifestyle. my appearance. insyaAllah. may Allah be with me.

then, i used to wear something fit. something that can show my body figure. & alhamdulillah again. with NUR from Allah, i started to wear something loose. but, yeahhh.. still not loose enough. as i said earlier, i failed to against my lust. my fault. i am trying my best too.

hurmm.. today, im not yet a good muslimah. with my words, my attitude, i know. i still have to change lots & lots of thing. i hope i will strong enough to against the dunnia lust.

my past, enough for me to regret bout it. 

i was once thought about wearing niqab. still have the desire. :)

mohon Allah kuatkan hati, tunjukkan jalan. moga NUR-Nya akan selalu bersamaku. moga hati ini akan diterangi dengan hidayah Allah. aminnn.

move on & a glimpse for the past

i am moving one.

looking forward for the future.

the past, as people always said..

"let bygone be bygone."

& for me..

i will have a glimpse for my past.

as i'd experience something from the past.

& a glimpse for the past.

is for me to take a lesson.

is for my awareness.

is for me to be careful.

should i forget bout my past?

should i?

nayyy..

there are something that i can still keep in the memory.

there are.

but not everything.

& the past that brought tears for me.

it should be deleted.

i am moving on.

move on.

looking forward for another lesson.

gemuk

saya dan gemuk mmg takleh nak dipisahkan..
 gemuk? 
bukan lah gemuk kot. berisi je. huu~

& im trying to lose my weight a bit.
uhukkk.. tryingggggggggg..

this semester

this semester.. all subjects are the HARDCORE subjects. facts, reading, memorizing, understanding. no number. except for the years & facts.. hurmm..

im so not into memorizing & reading. i am damn weak in that kind of thingy. as for me, paying attention in the class, is really enough for me. but, this semester, most of the lecturers, hurmmm.. they are not teaching at all. a little bit lost in the class. really make me feel lazy to class. & today. i skipped one class already. not feeling guilty at all. huu~

im not complaining. just.. i lost in my own way. im the type of paying my utmost attention in the class, & this kinda teaching, these lecturers, hurmm.. make me lost. how am i going to survive this semester? reading & memorizing? i may need a lot of pills & ginkgo biloba to make my brain more functional & energetic. huu~

hurmm.. cannot give up. i have & must do my best..! ouhh. i need support. give me support. & pray for me. thank you.

life is....

we never know what will happen tomorrow. or even another minute from now. we never know what Allah has plan for us. no matter how systematic we are when planning on something, Allah knows the best. He knows everything.. either tomorrow is a happy or sad day. we never know. if its a happy day, then say 'Alhamdulillah'. it means that Allah loves you. if its the opposite, then say 'Alhamdulillah' too.. it does have the meaning that Allah loves you too. Allah wants to test you. ok?

All praises to Allah for all i have in this world. for a big family. for a lovely man. for wonderful friends. for a good education. for every single & little thing. All praises to Him.